We all know what grief is, right? That big, heart-wrenching, tear-filled emotional rollercoaster that shows up when we've lost something—or someone—dear to us. But what about unexpressed grief? That's the sneaky kind. The one that likes to sit quietly in the corner, pretending it's no big deal while turning our lives upside down without us even realizing it.
Unexpressed grief occurs when we don't allow ourselves to fully feel or acknowledge the pain of loss. Instead of dealing with it head-on, we push it down, bottle it up, and throw the emotional key away. Sounds easy, right? Spoiler alert: it’s not! When grief remains unexpressed, it has a funny way of showing up in other parts of our lives. Think of it as the emotional equivalent of trying to shove all your laundry into one drawer—it doesn’t stay hidden for long.
So, how does unexpressed grief manifest? Well, it can sneak into your life in some pretty unexpected ways. Some people may experience physical symptoms like headaches, stomach issues, or fatigue (Worden, 2009). Others might notice they’re a little short-tempered—like yelling at the toaster when it burns your bagel (we’ve all been there, right?). Unexpressed grief can also show up as anxiety, depression, or even a general feeling of numbness like you’re going through life on autopilot.
Now, you may be wondering, why do we do this to ourselves? Why would anyone willingly suppress their grief? The answer often lies in societal pressures or personal beliefs about how we should handle loss. Many of us were raised to believe that showing emotions, especially "negative" ones like sadness or anger, is a sign of weakness. We’ve been told to "stay strong" or "move on" because life, after all, keeps moving. But here’s the thing: unexpressed grief doesn’t go anywhere. It lingers like that forgotten carton of milk in the back of your fridge—it will eventually sour and demand your attention.
Culturally, we’ve been conditioned to believe that there's a right and wrong way to grieve. In some cultures, it's common to openly cry, wail, and mourn publicly. In others, like Western society, there's often a silent expectation to "hold it together." We’re told to get back to work, pick up the pieces, and move on as if grief should be an overnight pitstop on the way to emotional recovery (Kubler-Ross & Kessler, 2014). The result? Many of us become emotionally constipated—holding onto our grief, sometimes for years, and pretending everything is fine when it's not.
So how can we break this cycle and address unexpressed grief in healthy ways? First, we need to recognize when it’s happening. If you’re feeling a little "off," experiencing physical symptoms with no clear cause, or you find yourself unusually irritated by life’s little annoyances, it could be a sign that you’ve been tucking away your grief. Be honest with yourself. Grief isn’t something to be ashamed of— it’s part of the human experience, and everyone’s been there at some point.
Next, it’s important to create space for those feelings, even if it feels uncomfortable. Try journaling, talking to a friend, or seeking the support of a grief counselor. Let yourself cry if you need to. Scream into a pillow, punch a cushion—whatever helps you release that pent-up emotion. It might sound dramatic, but sometimes that’s exactly what we need to process our feelings and move forward healthily.
Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or yoga, can also help you reconnect with your emotions. These practices encourage you to sit with your feelings, rather than run from them, which is key to healing (Neimeyer, 2001). If sitting in silence feels overwhelming, try incorporating creative outlets like art, music, or writing. Channeling your grief into something productive can help you express those emotions without feeling overwhelmed by them.
Lastly, permit yourself to grieve—on your terms. There is no “right” way to grieve, and there’s no timeline you have to follow. Whether you’re the type who cries through every rom-com on Netflix or someone who processes their emotions through long walks and solitude, it’s all valid. The important thing is that you do process those emotions, rather than letting them fester in the background.
Unexpressed grief may try to hide, but it doesn’t have to stay hidden. By recognizing it, giving yourself the space to feel, and finding healthy ways to release your emotions, you can begin to move toward healing. Remember, grief is just another part of life’s messy, wonderful journey.
At Unboxed Grief, we understand that grief is a deeply personal journey, and no two paths look the same. That's why we offer grief support groups and one-on-one sessions to walk alongside you, helping you navigate the ups, downs, and everything in between. We’d be honored to be a part of your healing process, offering a compassionate, non-judgmental space where you can feel heard and supported. As Ram Dass so beautifully said, "We're all just walking each other home," and we’re here to be that steady companion, offering warmth and guidance as you take each step forward.
Disclaimer: The author of this blog is not a licensed practitioner, therapist, or medical doctor. The information provided is based on research and personal experience and is intended for informational and supportive purposes only. If you are experiencing physical or emotional symptoms of grief that are impacting your health, we strongly recommend consulting with a licensed healthcare provider, therapist, or medical professional for clinical evaluation and appropriate intervention. Always seek professional advice before making decisions regarding your mental or physical well-being.
ReferencesKubler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2014). On grief and grieving: Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss. Scribner.Neimeyer, R. A. (2001). Meaning reconstruction and the experience of loss. American Psychological Association.Worden, J. W. (2009). Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner (4th ed.). Springer Publishing.
Comentarios