
Grief doesn’t take a vacation, clock out at 5 PM, or wait politely for the weekend. It barges in uninvited, sits heavily at your desk, and makes even the most mundane tasks feel like climbing Mount Everest in stilettos. In the workplace, balancing personal loss with professional responsibilities can feel like walking a tightrope over a pit of alligators—distracted and vulnerable. Yet, grief is a universal experience, and the way workplaces handle it (or don’t) speaks volumes about their culture.
According to a 2023 Pew Research Center survey, approximately 30% of employees reported experiencing significant grief while at work in the last year. However, only 50% felt supported by their employers, and a mere 15% utilized Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs), despite their availability. A National Institutes of Health (NIH) study found that grief-related absenteeism costs employers billions annually, with an average bereavement leave of three to five days, according to the U.S. Department of Labor. For many, this barely covers the time needed to arrange a funeral, let alone process the loss.
The Challenges of Grieving at Work
Imagine trying to meet a project deadline while your brain feels like a foggy soup of sorrow. Tasks that once took minutes now stretch into hours as grief saps your energy, focus, and motivation. Some coworkers might tread carefully, offering whispered condolences and awkward pats on the back, while others seem to avoid you entirely, as if grief were contagious.
Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a noted grief counselor, explains, “Grieving people often feel alienated at work because our society encourages them to ‘move on’ quickly.” Unfortunately, this "hustle culture" mindset can leave grieving employees feeling unsupported, pressured to suppress their emotions, and unsure of how to navigate their pain in a professional setting.
Forbes recently reported that over 60% of employees feel pressure to return to work before they are emotionally ready, and 25% admit to crying in the office bathroom during their first weeks back. Grief, much like that impossible-to-close Excel file, refuses to stay hidden.
Navigating Grief in the Workplace
So, how do you handle grief while maintaining your professional composure? Here are a few tips:
Give Yourself Grace: It’s okay if you’re not at peak productivity. The NIH suggests it takes an average of six months for employees to regain their full focus after a significant loss. Be kind to yourself during this time.
Communicate with Your Manager: It may feel awkward, but letting your boss or HR know what’s going on can pave the way for understanding. A 2022 survey by the Wall Street Journal revealed that employees who felt comfortable sharing their grief with supervisors were twice as likely to report a positive return-to-work experience.
Use Your Resources: Many workplaces offer bereavement leave, flexible schedules, or EAP counseling services. Don’t hesitate to use them—they exist for a reason. As Megan Devine, author of It’s OK That You’re Not OK, says, “Grief is not a problem to be solved; it’s an experience to be supported.”
Set Boundaries: Not everyone needs to know the details of your loss, and it’s okay to politely decline invasive questions. A simple “Thank you for your concern, but I’d prefer to focus on work” is enough.
Find Small Joys: Whether it’s grabbing a coffee with a supportive coworker or sneaking in a few minutes of mindfulness, tiny moments of comfort can make a big difference in your day.
Creating a Supportive Workplace
Managers and coworkers play a crucial role in supporting grieving employees. An environment where grief is acknowledged, rather than ignored, fosters trust and loyalty. Simple gestures like sending a thoughtful card, allowing flexible deadlines, or just saying, “I’m here if you need anything,” can go a long way.
The NYT highlighted a growing trend of companies offering extended bereavement leave—up to 20 days in some cases—recognizing that a week isn’t enough for employees to process a significant loss. Progressive policies like these show that workplaces can prioritize empathy without sacrificing productivity.
My Personal Story
When my parents and maternal uncles passed away in close succession, the sheer weight of loss left me reeling. I didn’t even know for whom to grieve first. My grief management became even more complicated by the insensitivity of some coworkers. Though I wasn’t emotionally or mentally ready to return, I dragged myself into work. On some days, I caught myself just staring blankly at my computer screen, unable to muster the focus or energy to be productive. My work performance, unsurprisingly, suffered.
Fortunately, my management team respected me enough to recognize that this wasn’t my usual performance. They showed me compassion and suggested I take additional time off to attend to my grief, an offer I deeply appreciated. However, not everyone in the workplace was as understanding. A few coworkers made me the butt of cruel jokes, taking wagers on how long I would be out of work and even labeling me a “black widow spider” because of their warped view that death seemed to follow me. Their words were a heavy blow, compounding the grief and making an already unbearable situation even worse.
This experience highlighted a glaring need in workplace culture—not only for tangible support like Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) but also for education and sensitivity training. It’s essential for employees to have the tools and understanding to interact compassionately with coworkers experiencing loss. Grief doesn’t just affect the individual; it reverberates throughout teams and organizations. A little kindness and education can go a long way in creating an environment where employees feel supported rather than ostracized during one of the most vulnerable times of their lives.
Closing Thoughts
Grief in the workplace is messy, unpredictable, and undeniably human. While there’s no manual for navigating personal loss while maintaining your professional life, there is one truth: You don’t have to do it alone.
As Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” Grief is one of those seasons—inevitable and profound. By acknowledging it, supporting one another, and creating spaces for healing, we can turn the workplace into a haven, not just for productivity but for humanity itself.
References
Pew Research Center. (2023). Grief in America: Workplace impacts and support.National Institutes of Health. (2023). The psychological impact of grief on employees.Forbes. (2023). Why grieving employees need better support in the workplace.U.S. Department of Labor. (2023). Bereavement leave policies in the United States.Wall Street Journal. (2022). How employers are handling grief in the workplace.New York Times. (2023). The future of bereavement policies: Compassion meets productivity.
Disclaimer: The author of this blog is not a licensed practitioner, therapist, or medical doctor. The information provided is based on research and personal experience and is intended for informational and supportive purposes only. If you are experiencing physical or emotional symptoms of grief that are impacting your health, we strongly recommend consulting with a licensed healthcare provider, therapist, or medical professional for clinical evaluation and appropriate intervention. Always seek professional advice before making decisions regarding your mental or physical well-being.
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